Establishing Healthy Routines With Your Family
Structure plays a key rolein helping쾱understandand setschedules andexpectations, and approach uncertain times with more flexibility. That’s why so many families havebeen strugglingthroughout the pandemic,as theyfacedisruptedschooland homeschedules.
Routines aren’t just for kids, explains Stephanie Rohrig, Ph.D., assistant attending psychologist atNewYork-Presbyterian Hospital and instructor of psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at 鶹ý (WCM).
“Wholefamilies can struggle with unpredictability--when schoolsmay beclosed one dayand open the next, orwhenone child is homeandanother may be attendingschool in person,”Dr. Rohrigsays. “It’s hard when it’s out of our control, andthoseday-to-day changes may have ripple effects that affect parents’ability towork.It can be a stress for the entire family.”
Dr. Rohrigsuggestsways families can adapt and copetogether.
Normalize stress
“When we normalize things, it validates the emotions we’re experiencing,” she says.“We do this be reminding ourselvesof the reasons why we’re feeling a certain emotion.That can helpreduce stress,and we can give ourselves a break, and not be hard on ourselves for feeling overwhelmed or frustrated.”
She adds thatit’shelpfulto remember thatmany familiesarein the same boat,and that difficult feelings make sense during this unprecedented time.
Reach out
It’s also important for parents to ask for help, wherever that help exists.Familiesthathave nearby friends or familycan seek support there, Dr. Rohrig explains.Additional communityresources oftencan be foundviaday care centers, schools,andhouses of worship,for example, even though many have moved from in-person to online support.
Control“thecontrollables.”
“I encourage families to try to wake up and go to sleep at the same time every day, whether school is in person or remote,” she says. “Sometimes a pleasant activity in the morning or evening--taking a walk, reading a book, or listening to music--can set an organized, positive tone.”
TheatWeill CornellMedicinealsohelps families withparent-child interaction therapy(PCIT,McNeil & Hembree-Kigin, 2010).For many families, that can includea recommendation for parents to devote (at least) five minutes of special time with each of their children each day.
“We can put the phone aside and let dinner sit: It’sscientifically proven(Eisenstadt et al., 1993)to improve rapport and behavior when parents are tending to their children for those five minutes,” Dr. Rohrig says.“Just talking aboutand doingwhat your childrenareinterested in can have a big impact ontheirbehavior,and the parent-child relationship.”
Visuals can help
Some children respond well to school-style visuals—an actual, postedschedule—so they know what the day will bring.
“Some families like to use a large calendar or shared family white board to stay organized,” Dr. Rohrig adds. “As kids get older, that can change to a shared calendar app.”
Catch and reframe thoughts
Still, despiteourbest efforts at family routines and organization, anxietycan surface. When that happens, Dr. Rohrigrecommends a three-pronged approach:check the facts;understand how our thoughts makeus feel;andtry toreframethem.
“Often we’ll have anxious thoughts that are not always accurate—sometimes we look at worst-case scenarios,” Dr. Rohrig says. “But we can learn to catch and reframe those thoughts.For example,we can reframe worried thoughts about the long-term impact ofthis pandemic on our kidsbyfocusing on the resilience andobstaclesthey’ve overcome so far.”
Dr. Rohrig alsoremindsfamiliesthat there’s hopein remembering thetemporary natureofthe pandemicand the disruptions it causes.Second,we should rememberour inner strength.
“We all have a source of resilience. People have adapted effectively, if not happily,” she concludes.“We are moving forward in the face of difficult moments—it’s important to look at how far we’ve come, and to know that we can continue to push forward through this really hard time.”
Appendix
Eisenstadt, T. H., Eyberg, S., McNeil, C. B., Newcomb, K., & Funderburk, B. (1993). Parent-child interaction therapy with behavior problem children: Relative effectiveness of two stages and overall treatment outcome. Journal of clinical child psychology, 22(1), 42-51.
McNeil, C. B., & Hembree-Kigin, T. L. (2010). Parent-child interaction therapy. Springer Science & BusinessMedia.